This can leave them with damage that will stick with them for decades. Rather than physical punishment, try to talk things out with them and explain how you feel. Tell them that you are upset with their actions. If the mistake they made makes you want to hurt them physically, wait a while until you see them again.
Because then, you will be the one who has to suffer from consequences. There are many different causes of self-punishment. For one, someone who suffered from toxic levels of strict parenting may feel the urge to punish themselves later on in life. This is because all they knew was negative consequences growing up. For other people, they may have severe anxiety levels or are depressed, so they turn to self-punishment as a coping mechanism. Consequences are important, but self-punishment is an unhealthy behavior that must be unlearned.
Through therapy and hard work on yourself, you can unlearn these toxic behaviors. People mentally and physically attack themselves for many reasons. If they have experienced harsh punishments before as a child, this is a common reason people turn to attacking themselves in adulthood.
Many other people suffer from mental illnesses that make them feel like they need to attack themselves. This could be negative self-talk, or it could be physical harm to themselves. All in all, attacking yourself comes down to your mental health and how you feel about yourself. For someone with a high self-esteem, attacking themselves in unquestionable and sounds impossible.
However, for someone with a low self-esteem and poor mental health, attacking themselves may sound like a considerable option. Overeating is a very common way people punish themselves. Food can make you feel better, but then once you eat too much, it can cause pain. For people who feel the urge to self-punish, this pain can be the goal. The reason behind this is the same for self-punishment. A person wants to eliminate their feelings of guilt, so they turn to punishing themselves, hoping to relieve their feelings.
There is also guilt eating, which is where someone eats because they feel guilty about something. This is another common form of coping with guilt. Forgiving yourself is very important for moving on from a situation. You may struggle with accepting that you did something wrong.
No matter what you did, working on forgiving yourself is an important step to learning. So, taking the road down self-forgiveness will be one of the best ways to learn and heal. To forgive your past self, try to understand why you did it. Was it an accident? Was it because you were confused? Then, try to apologize for what you did. Telling yourself sorry for suffering from pain is vital. Then, focus on how you can learn from your mistake. When you focus on the learning portion of making mistakes, you will have minimal time to feel guilt.
No one on this Earth is perfect, and neither are you. Although you may feel significant pressure to be perfect, let go of this pressure. Whenever you make a mistake, realize that mistakes will always be made, no matter how hard you try. Rather than holding on to regret, apologize, right your wrongs, and move one. Use the painfulness that comes with regret to motivate yourself to not make the same mistake again.
If you still have difficulties, consider reaching out to a therapist for help. Some people believe that suffering is a tool for self-betterment or may think that suffering is an inherent part of their religion. However, these beliefs can lead to a cycle of negative thinking and poor self-image, both of which contribute to mental disorders and overall unhappiness. Instead of believing that suffering should be part of your experience, seek to rectify the things that make you feel guilty, so you can lead a life where you encounter more happiness than suffering.
Guilt plays a major role in suffering. In fact, some people feel so much guilt that they believe they're worthy of feeling bad and suffering. When you believe this, you instigate negative feelings that keep you down and put you in mental and physical harm. Regardless of what may have happened in the past or how you may feel about yourself, no one deserves to suffer. Help is available while you work through these feelings and recover your worthiness.
As stated previously, self-punishment doesn't only take physical forms like self-injury; it can also present itself in mental forms if someone believes they're supposed to suffer. Whether this belief comes from guilt or a desire for self-improvement, some people implement this mantra into their daily lives and look for ways to suffer on a regular basis. If this resonates with you, it's important to identify and stop this behavior, so you're not putting yourself at risk for overwork or harm.
Although recovering from self-punishment often requires outside help, there are things you can do at home to reduce your desire for self-punishment. As with any instinct, the urge to do something is often overwhelming at the moment. That's what usually drives us to act in the first place. Before you decide to engage in any self-harm behavior, try to wait 15 minutes and see how you feel once that time has passed.
More often than not, the urge to self-punish will diminish or maybe even disappear. People who punish themselves generally focus on what they do not like about themselves.
Research shows that focusing on your strengths and what you love about yourself can actually reduce the need for self-harm , promoting self-worth and positivity instead. Distraction can be a helpful coping mechanism when you want to self-punish.
Instead of punishing yourself, try to find another activity that can take its place, such as writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or playing with a bracelet on your wrist. If you or a loved one is struggling with self-punishment, seek out professional help as soon as possible.
With the support of a mental health professional, you have a better chance of dealing with this debilitating issue before it causes serious problems. There are better ways to deal with negative emotions, feelings, and situations, and a mental health professional can help you find the tools that work best for you. If you're looking for a counselor, try reaching out to BetterHelp.
You'll gain access to licensed counselors who can meet with you online at the time that works best for you.
If you're not quite sure about online counseling, read the reviews of BetterHelp counselors below. She has been very thoughtful and patient with me during my therapy journey and never pushing to speed up the process. Talking to her over the phone has been very easy since she has such an approachable and warm personality.
I also love the fact that she educates me a lot on different psychological concepts that have been foreign to me in very understandable terms. Last update: 14 February, Self-punishment is pointless. Self-punishment involves self-harm, insulting oneself, isolating oneself, and feeling unworthy of other people. And life is full of pain. We all have a strong need to connect with others, to be accepted, to achieve success and approval. When we feel this pain, we gather up a lot of energy because we are prepared to do something about it.
This energy can be experienced internally in the form of anger or rage. This motivates us to find inner peace and overcome the pain; it drives us to leave and come back to do whatever we want or need to do. However, when we are knocked down, ignored, unappreciated, or attacked over and over again for trying to satisfy our needs, the need to self-punish can appear.
Treating yourself with kindness makes it easier to acknowledge and respect your needs instead of punishing yourself for having them. A long-standing pattern of self-punishment might be tough to overcome alone, particularly when it relates to shame, unworthiness, or difficulty forgiving yourself. If guilt causes significant emotional distress, affects your relationships , or keeps you from finding enjoyment in life, professional support can make a big difference.
Therapy provides a safe space to address:. A therapist can help you explore healthier approaches to managing and resolving guilt, including self-compassion and resilience. When your harshest critic is yourself, self-punishment might seem like the best path toward atonement.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. Worried that you're a "bad" person? You probably aren't, but these questions can help you pinpoint any areas of your life that you'd like to improve.
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